It happens. You don’t get the luck of the draw and your Mother in Love is actually a Monster in Law.
Many of us imagine what our in-laws will be like even before tying the knot. If you’re lucky you have been able to spend some one on one time with them and can either up your chances and hopes of having a great relationship or you realized they’re just fucking awful.
It’s important to remember that dealing with in-laws can be fairly tricky and that the dynamic varies from family to family. Having different values and opposite point of views doesn’t mean that she is the in-law from hell but there are some things that you can observe to help you get a better idea of the person she is and how to handle it.
She inserts herself into everything
It’s like bish please find yourself something to do. But seriously don’t say that. If your MIL has a way of dropping by unannounced or involving herself in decisions and opinions like her opinions hold just as much weight as yours don’t worry you got this.
Handle it: Simply go the simple route and don’t listen to a word she says. Or you could also have a chat with your spouse and let them know you appreciate mommy dearests input but some things you have to figure out on your own. Then just go ahead and ignore her again. It’s always a best practice to set and ENFORCE boundaries.
She gives you the cold shoulder
Is she as cold as ice? There are some pretty sucky people in this world but the ones that just utterly suck are people who act like you don’t exist. So if you find yourself feeling all alone while making a quick stop over to the house or an awkward family holiday don’t trip.
Handle it: Speak your mind. Ever heard of the saying closed mouths don’t get fed? Of course, you have so open up and have an easy breezy conversation (keep it classy and mature) with your MIL and explain how you feel. If she doesn’t consider it a problem talk it out with your spouse and let them know you may be making fewer appearances with the family if she can’t get right. Remember to always communicate directly before going through a third-party like your spouse.
She tries to get your significant other on her side.
A mother is a son’s, first love. Especially dealing with black men it’s almost as if mama can do no wrong and she knows this! In fact, he is basically conditioned to believe no woman comes before his mother. Even in marriage we’re taught you should cling to your wife but once a disagreement occurs everyone backtracks and starts believing your loyalty goes to your mom. WRONG!
Handle it: When you say, “I do” your priority and loyalty goes to your spouse. They are your Ride or Die. You have to be a united front in front of everyone so there is no mistake where your allegiance lies. This does not mean you can’t disagree with what your spouse or mother has done. You can discuss those things later (privately) and let everyone know the decision you both come up with later. No one and we do mean no gets to disrespect your spouse in front of you or even behind you as that is also disrespectful to you. MAMA included (just in case you didn’t understand no one).
In, all just be yourself.
You don’t have to change into someone else to make her happy. Don’t like baking? Give the middle finger to the Susie homemaker routine. Suck at attending every single basketball game Junior has? It’s cool. Live a life less stressed and raise happy well-mannered human beings. Be cool, mature, and have a good laugh at it sometimes. You never know maybe you guys might spark up a conversation that will change things.