For black women, this is a topic that brings about a heated debate. There are some who would say “yes” in a heartbeat while others would say “ain’t no good brothas around anymore.” To start, I want to make it very clear that there are great and horrible men of all races, shapes, and sizes. The media and America’s not-so-subtle attacks on black people, in general, make it seem as if meeting a decent, educated, hardworking, loyal black person is some kind of anomaly. Let’s address some of the comments we’ve heard from black women regarding black men:
1.) “Black men are drug addicts”.
Sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn’t it? Having this general attitude about ALL black men is problematic. Even if you grew up in the worst of hoods where most if not all of the black men there were drug users, it’s still wrong to just assume that black men are some sort of monolith.
2) “Black men are criminals.”
There is so much to unpack from this statement. I’m not going to make this post too political but if you haven’t seen the brilliant documentary 13th, this is an excellent start to find out why the prison population is disproportionately black. You cannot say that all black men are criminals when you understand concepts like the Military-Industrial Complex or the War on Drugs infamously coined by Richard Nixon.
If you’re a black woman constantly attracting the thug, drug-user, or manipulative liar, you’ve got to start asking yourself some pretty serious questions. What about you attracts these types of guys? You can only say something like “black men are all thugs” if you ONLY attract the thug. Why is that?
3) “Rampant homosexuality with black men”.
Look, we live in Atlanta aka “the black mecca”. Although Atlanta is no longer the “gayest city” in the US, it is still the mecca for the black LGBT community. I certainly don’t doubt that there are also quite a lot of black men who are “down-low” or secretly gay here in Atlanta and other cities–from celebrities to your average Joe. I have stepped into a couple of spots that for sure confirmed this! Still, this leaves a lot of great black men out there for heterosexual black women in Atlanta and in other cities.
4) “The good ones have massive egos and have rosters. ”
We live in a time where the hookup culture is so prominent and a lot of millennials are focused on their careers and business ventures rather than prioritizing finding “the one”. Nothing wrong with this, it’s just the reality of the times. Apps and platforms like Tinder and Happn make instant gratification super accessible and in my opinion, make genuine relationship-building more difficult. It’s true that attractive, educated, and successful black men can build “rosters” of women given the ease of access in today’s dating landscape but that doesn’t mean that they’re all like that.[su_frame]
A lot of attractive, educated, successful black men (especially when they get to their late twenties/early thirties), aren’t in the clubs getting drunk every weekend and hitting on anything in a skirt. They are usually of a certain maturity and are open to building something long-term with someone who is their equal mentally, socially, emotionally, and financially. This means that if you don’t have your life together, you’re immature, and not generally bringing anything to the table, they probably won’t be checking for you.
What are your thoughts on finding good black men? Good? Bad?
Let us know in the comments!